Bigamist: Someone who makes the same mistake twice.
Blood debt: the concept of placing a monetary value on human life by demanding money from a murderer. It serves as a deterrent to any potential murderer except the ones who don't need the money and see blood debt only as a cost of doing business. (See Collateral and Collateral damage.)
Campaign Promise: A promise a political candidate makes, supposedly in exchange for votes. It's called a campaign promise because of when the promise is made, why the promise is made, and what the expiration date for the promise is.
*Cocktail party: a social event at which sandwiches and people are cut into small pieces.
Collateral: Something of value pledged as security for something that has no intrinsic value and is created out of thin air. (See Collateral damage.)
Collateral damage: the reverse chronological order of blood debt; first a government borrows money for the purpose of killing people from a country that the bankers and their corporate allies want to control; the government offers the blood of innocent citizens of that country as collateral; since the government will never pay more than interest on the loan, the collateral (the blood of innocent citizens of the target country) is forfeited.
Congress: the opposite of progress; useful idiots for the global elite, sequestered in a mausoleum-like structure that keeps them oblivious to the actual needs of the people who elected them. The roof of the structure known as the Capitol is shaped like a mushroom because that's how the real owners of congressmen treat them; they keep them in the dark and feed them manure.
*Debt: 1) negative money—used by banks to produce more negative money. 2) unique type of money that multiplies automatically 3) an ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave driver.
Diebold: an electronic means of miscounting paper ballots so as to guarantee prearranged election results; a machine that transforms a ballot box into the moral equivalent of a paper shredder.
*Diplomat: a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Elected official: one of the shadows in Plato's cave; a human face for Wall Street.
Election, General: (see General Election)
Electronic voting (a.k.a. touch-screen voting): a high-tech program transforming the voice of the people into the will of the other people, who really own America, without any traceable evidence or means of recounting.
Federal Reserve System: a government-approved monopoly to counterfeit money.
*Fobia: a fear of misspelled words.
Flag: a bit of colored cloth that governments use, first to shrink wrap people's brains and then as ceremonial shrouds to bury the dead. (Arundhati Roy)
Fragging: the deliberate killing (usually by fragmentary grenade) of officers by their own men in situations whereby the officers command their men to kill somebody; proof that karma has a sense of burlesque.
Friendly Fire: Proof that karma has a sense of irony.
General Election: (third world) an election conducted by a military dictatorship in such a way that it guarantees the election of generals wearing comic opera uniforms; (industrialized world) a sock puppet pageant in which voters choose between puppets manipulated by the left hand and puppets manipulated by the right hand.
Guy Fawkes: the only person to enter Parliament with honest motives.
*Heresy: freedom of thought.
*Help: a computer feature that assists in generating more questions. When the Help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens, and end up where they started, without learning a thing.
*Judge: a law student who marks his own examination papers.
*Mafia: paperless government, invented by Italians.
*Man: 1) the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft, and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor; 2) the male of the human race, commonly known to the female as mere man. The genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers; 3) a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained by women to do most things; 4) an animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies rapidly enough to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada; 5) a portable heater that snores.
Mushroom: suitable as the national flower of most nations because mushrooms prefer to be kept in the dark and fed manure.
News reporter: someone who gets paid to spread unsubstantiated rumors.
*Parole: a supervised release of prisoners before their prison sentences are served, insuring that lawyers will have a steady supply of repeat customers. Since 15% of Americans behind bars are later proven innocent, granting parole after serving one third of one's sentence decreases the odds of a retrial, thus sparing lawyers and judges a great deal of embarrassment at seeing an even higher percentage of prisoners proven innocent.
Partisan wrangling: a good cop/bad cop routine played on the national stage. (See bi-partisan effort.)
*Radicalism: the conservatism of tomorrow injected into the affairs of today.
Secretary: 1.) (in private enterprise) someone whose job is to do what the general public think that the boss is doing, and to make it look as though the boss is more informed than he really is; 2.) (government at the cabinet level) a lieutenant for gangster government's crime boss.
*System update: 1) A quick method of trashing all of your software; 2) a specialty of Microsoft to cover up miserable programming with usually more miserable programming; 3) a software change to exchange one bug for at least one new one.
Unelectable: a word that the corporate-owned media uses to describe a candidate who is honest and can't be blackmailed.
*Vegetarian: an old Native American word for "bad hunter."
*Vote: an instrument and symbol of a free person's ability to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
*Witness: an person who swears to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and then tells the story the way his lawyer instructed him to tell it.